Hello, My Name is Jeff.

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Imposters of the Night/Imposters of the Day

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A Hello, My Name is Jeff Double Feature!

Tonight, we offer two frightful tales of the macabre: the first, a horrifying campfire story of what happens when one man’s wife is seized by the supernatural as they sleep, and the second, a harrowing poem fueled by greed and deceit, the depths of which cannot be contained in this post alone.

Imposters of the Night!

March 2, 2009

It is 2 AM on Monday morning.  I am spooned out of the dark pudding of deep sleep by movement and the realization that my wife, Shannon, is sitting up and staring at the clock.  Still emerging from lethargy, it sounds like she is saying something about colons.  I can’t be sure.  And she’s not wearing her glasses, so she couldn’t possibly read the clock’s digital illuminated face.  “What?” I try to say.
She turns to me, still sitting up, and says, “what side are you on?”
I am confused.  I’m not sure what she’s asking.  “I don’t know what you mean,” I say.
“What side are you on?”
The repetition of the question does little for my comprehension.  I’m still baffled and still groggy. “Shannon, I don’t know what you are talking about.”
At this point, Shannon seems incredibly frustrated.  “What side are you on?”
Amid the darkness, I search for an answer to what she could possibly mean, and wonder if I’m simply not awake enough to understand the question.
She breaks my reverie with a more baffling question, “Who are you?”
I think that perhaps this is meant to be an insult because of my ignorance.  “Shannon, I’m your husband.”
The next question confuses my lethargic mind beyond hope.  “Which husband?”
“Huh?”
Not waiting for an answer or offering an explanation, Shannon lays her head back down on the pillow and, despite the lack of illumination, I can see her staring at me.  Finally, she closes her eyes.
A long silence follows, eerie in its contrast, and leaves me with my swirling thoughts.  “I love you,” I say into the darkness.  There is no answer.
I lie in bed, my mind swirling with questions for several hours after, before sleep finally overtakes me again.

Hypothesis #1: Shannon was talking in her sleep again.
This has been known to happen.  One time she clapped and cheered in her sleep.

Hypothesis #2: Shannon was possessed by aliens or ghosts.
If this is the case, I need to look into paranormal investigation techniques and possible protections.

Imposters of the Day

Sunday March 8, 2009

I enter a contest at Poetry.com under the nom de plume, Ben Bowen, as a prank to enter this poem contest.

It goes as follows:


Re: contest

If I sumbit my poem will for me give 10,000 dollars?
Thanks!
I am wonder where I do submit my poem
so I can take advantage of CASH PRIZE of your contest?
I think, maybe my poem will not be good
but one can never know or tell who is fine poet or not. 🙂
Do you know if poems that has rhyme is more often winning?
THanks on advance for answers so many my inquiries.
Ben Bowen
GREAT DEAL OPrah’s acai berry diet Limited Time Offer
Go to http://www.n00tslesx4.00 for details!

We are sorry to leave you wondering, who is Ben Bowen?  What could be the significance?  And where can I get a hold of OPrah’s acai berry diet? I promise the first two questions shall be revealed. The third might be revealed.  Maybe.  Stay tuned for Thursday’s extra week treat, “The Man Known as Ben Bowen”!

Written by Jeff

March 10, 2009 at 6:28 am